An apology letter to previous lovers


Because when you sometimes touched me
rested your arm across my body
wrapped your fingers gently around my wrist
moved your hips across my thigh
I recoiled
and couldn’t breathe

I did not intend to reject you
I did not doubt your gentle nature
or think you capable of doing me physical harm

my skin, my bones, my lungs
would recall
other hands and legs
and moments sharp in hateful purpose

You were my lover because you knew this
and railed at the injustice
of crimes like these

You were kind

most of you

these flashbacks were
for us both

So here, after all this time
with my apology
is your shimmering, golden star
for offering up moments
on which I could pile daisy petals
and silken feathers
and finally rest easy

Julie Ayers
February 2012


About Julie Ayers

Seasoned apocaloptimist, keen admirer of well-placed words, fierce mama bear of extra special children, black belt hugger, and advocate for a fashion rebellion which elevates the most human of hearts to socially acceptable outerwear.

One response »

  1. Bravery doesn’t mean not being afraid … it means being afraid but doing it (loving, in this case) anyway. You are probably the bravest lady I know <3. Thanks for sharing this … xoxo

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